Central Baptist Church Okinawa Japan
John 14:13-14
Pastor David Turley preaches on how Christians can see a different perspective in situations and find ways to Glorify God.
Biblical Marriage – Lesson 3
The second greatest command is that we love our neighbors as ourselves. (Mark 12:31). Jesus teaches us, in the parable of the good Samaritan, that the person before us is our neighbor. This includes the stranger on the way but certainly also includes those with whom with live. A husband and a wife are clearly required by Scripture to love one another.
But when Scripture gives specific commands to husbands as husbands and to wives as wives, the emphasis in the commands to each is notably different. This is not a mistake. For example, wives are nowhere specifically commanded to love their husbands. In one passage (Eph 5:33), Paul exhorts the older women to teach the younger how to be “husband-lovers” (specifically philandros). The idea communicates warm affection and the attitude required for wives is one of respect.
Men, however, are commanded to love (agapao) their wives to the uttermost. First, they’re commanded to love their wives as they love their own bodies (Eph 5:28). Second, men are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph 5:25) There is no greater love, no greater sacrifice.
The Scriptures lay out our duties. Wives are to respect their husbands and husbands are to love their wives – when you look at how the husband and wife relate to one another we can see the harmony between what God requires and what we need to both give and receive.
The commands are given to our respective weaknesses. Men need to do their duty with respect to their wives – they need to love. Women need to also do their duty – they need to respect. But men are generally poor at loving. C.S. Lewis once commented that women tend to think of love as taking trouble for others (much closer to the Biblical definition) while men think of love as not giving trouble to others. Men need work in that area and are instructed by Scripture to undertake it. Likewise, women are fully capable of loving a man, and sacrificing for him, while believing the entire time that he is a complete jerk. Women are good at this type of love but the central command to them is that they respect their husbands. As Christian women gather together for prayer or study, they frequently talk about their husbands in the most disrespectful way. They then go home to care for the home, the husband, and the kids in a self-sacrificial way. Why? Because they love their husbands. It’s not wrong that they love their husbands but it’s wrong to substitute love for the respect that God requires of them.
Men have a need to be respected. Women have a need to be loved. But we’re often like the man who gives his wife a shotgun because he wanted one. When a wife is trying to work on a troubled marriage, for instance, she gives him what she would like (love), and not what God commands and not what he needs (respect). She loves him and tells him so but doe she respect him and tell him so?
We have difficulty because we don’t obey the Word of God. When a man communicates his love for his wife, in both words and actions, he should be trying to communicate to her the security and love of a covenantal commitment. He will provide for her, he will protect her, he will nourish and cherish her, he will sacrifice for her, and so forth. Her need is to be secure in his love for her. Her need is to also receive love from him.
When a wife honors and respects her husband, the process is different. Instead of concentrating on the security of the relationship, respect is directed to his abilities and achievements – how hard he works, how faithfully he comes home, how patient he is with the kids, how valuable his insights are, etc.
The theory is nice as we all agree that we should obey the command of God but we tend to fail in the execution and the specifics. But love is to be rendered to wives and respect is to rendered to husbands, because God requires it and NOT because any husband or wife has earned it. The command for husbands is this: love your wives. The command to wives is this: respect your husbands. It is important to remember that God requires of us far more than any of us deserve.
All human cultures are hierarchical. The Bible does not require submission of women to men but rather of a woman to a man. Far from making her submissive to other men, the Word protects her from obligations to other men. This provides an umbrella of protection for her – she is to be submissive to her own husband.
Some might say that the Christian doctrine of submission requires the belief that any man can lead any woman. This is false and it’s ridiculous. Women are not created to respond and submit to just any man. A godly woman is therefore going to limit here options. Those who understand the Word know they are created to be dependent and responsive to a man and she must be very selective about who she marries. A godly woman should never lower her standards – the consequences are too high. A smart woman should not marry a man who does not have the intellectual or spiritual strength for him. The idea that “love is blind” is a romantic and un-Biblical idea.
Thus, a woman submits to a man. A woman can cheerfully and gracefully acknowledge that there are many godly men that are not for her. Conversely, a man should cheerfully grant that there are many women that are his spiritual and intellectual “betters”. God created them to be submissive to their own husbands – not to him.
Our modern world is fond of the expression and idea of a “level playing field.” This is a inculturated form of envy. When we make our peace with God and are happy with what He provides then we do not gristle at the inequities that exist in His created order. It has been said, for instance, that the feminist confession is this: 1. Men are jerks. 2. Women should be like men.
So a Christian husband should respect the weaknesses of his wife and treat her as Christ does the church. He should protect and watch over her without condescension. The weakness, as Peter mentions, is God’s design and not her fault – in fact, it is no fault at all. Weakness is only a fault if it falls short of design but it is precisely as it is for God has made it so. A teacup may be weaker than a sledge hammer but try sipping tea from a sledge hammer.
This does not mean that women don’t have strength – only those that confuse masculine strength as the only real strength would make that foolish mistake. The husband is called to provide the foundational strength in the relationship and be a source of strength for her so she can develop strength within the loving, secure protection of the husband who is called to love her as Christ does His Church. Even when the wife is stronger than her husband in many different areas, he must be emotionally and spiritually strong enough to listen to her and assume responsibility in those areas as well.
A man must exercise authority for his wife’s sake and not his own. He must wield authority with a servant’s hear. In John 13:13-17, Jesus showed the way for leadership by washing the disciples’ feet. The husband is a Christian leader in the home and is called to imitate Christ in leadership. He must make a conscious decision to use his strength for his wife’s protection and benefit and not his own.
See Joshua 24:15
The word evangelical used to describe allegiance to the gospel but is now so abused it has lost much of its meaning. In the older sense, an evangelical was one who proclaimed the Gospel, literally a “Gospeller.” Husbands should be those who proclaim Christ and the Gospel in the marriage.
The evangelical world is throwing away its heritage. A husband must preserve that heritage. He must lead his home in worship. He must lead his home in instruction. He must lead his home in confession. He must strive to be the resident theologian in his home as he is called to teach his wife (1 Cor 14:35). A husband must know why he believes what he believes to communicate the truth to his whole family. He must protect his family from error. He must cultivate Godly virtue in the home. He should always treat his wife with affection and courtesy. He should never lose his temper when correcting or teaching his children. He should be a rock within the home.
In short, a husband must think in terms of being responsible for the home terrified at the responsibility given him by God but leaning upon His grace for it. He is the shepherd of his home and needs to be willing to sacrifice for all in his home. His great concern is the spiritual health of his wife and children. The buck stops with him and he should steel himself for the mission and not run from it. His great joy is to see his wife grow in spiritual loveliness and to hear his children’s children call upon the name of the Lord!
Hebrews 10:13-23
In these last few verses, the didactic part of his letter, the writer summarizes his thoughts and concludes that the daily sacrifices are inconsistent with the priesthood of Christ.18 He reintroduces selected verses from Jeremiah 31:31-34 to stress the significance of the new covenant and the complete remission of sin.
More implicitly than explicitly, the author teaches that all three persons of the Trinity are involved in the work of atonement. At the right hand of God the Father, the Son takes his seat upon completion of his sacrificial work on earth. The Holy Spirit testifies to the establishing of the new covenant that God has made with people whose sins have been forgiven through the bodily sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
Jesus teaches his disciples the Lord’s Prayer, to which he adds the comment: “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt. 6:14-15). The author of Hebrews, guided by the words of Jeremiah’s prophecy, teaches that God forgives and forgets man’s “sins and lawless acts.” The counterpart of this doctrine is that we must not only forgive our fellow man who sins against us. After we have forgiven him we must forget the wrong he has committed. We, too, must live by the principle that forgiven sin is forgotten sin.
Of the well-known triad faith, hope, and love, hope seems to be neglected. Writers of the New Testament, however, do not neglect it, for they mention it as many times as faith and love. The Christian in his spiritual life appears to stress the virtues of faith and love, but he says little about hope.
Yet hope guides the believer, for it provides him freedom from the fear of death. He keeps his eyes on Jesus, who has conquered the power of death. He knows that in Jesus he has salvation, righteousness, eternal life, and the assurance of resurrection from the dead. That hope will be realized when Jesus returns.
18 John Calvin, Epistle to the Hebrews (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1949), p. 230.
Kistemaker, S. J., & Hendriksen, W. (1953-2001). Vol. 15: New Testament commentary : Exposition of Hebrews. Accompanying biblical text is author’s translation. New Testament Commentary (284). Grand Rapids: Baker Book House.
Bear Each Other’s Burdens (Galatians 6)
As Paul concludes his Epistle to the Galatians, I want to remind you of the reason for the Epistle one last time and summarize him that we might understand these closing passages. As I noted last time, many want to always jump to the law and the commands. By nature, we love to be told what to do. We want to be told what to do, that is, unless God is the Person telling us what to do. By nature, we like to ignore the perfect holiness of the Law and the need for Christ that is displayed in it and go to men to ask for their lists of do’s and don’ts. That is, of course, until we’re born from above.
In Galatia this had happened. Jewish converts to Christianity, who had begun by trusting in Christ, fell back into the death and curse of the Law by convincing themselves that we start by God saving us through faith and then finish the race by keeping God’s Holy commands so He will bless us. In this case, they told the Galatian believers, who were Gentiles, that they needed to become circumcised and begin performing the deeds of the Law and then God would accept them. Then not only will God accept them but they’ll be in full fellowship with the really holy in the Church: the Jews.
As I promised when we began this series, Paul jumps into the fray ready for battle. The eternal life of his sheep is on the line and these wolves will not have them. He comes in with the sword of the word and devastates the appeal of the Judaizers. He puts to death any notion that a person can find any acceptance before a perfectly Holy God by the keeping of the Law. He demonstrates over and over again that the Law can only bring a curse to men if we are to be judged by our keeping of it. We are surely condemned to hell if we are measured against the Law.
But God, who is rich in mercy, sent His son to live under the demands of the Law. He kept it perfectly and righteously and then, He who knew no sin, became Sin for us. He who did not deserve the curse of God became a Curse for us by hanging on a tree. God turned the hand of His wrath that was ready to strike us and judge us for our sin and He struck and judged the Son on the Cross for our sins.
We are now freed from the condemnation of the Law if we are in Christ. If you trust in the righteousness of Christ then your sin is paid for and the curse is taken away. In its place is the blessing of obedience that Christ accomplished for you. Even more amazing, more unbelievable is the news that we are God’s adopted children. What manner of love is this that we should be called sons of God?
And so, Christian, Paul has reminded you over and over and over again what Christ accomplished on the Cross for you. Stand firm in the freedom that you were set free for. Do not return again to a yoke of slavery. Do not be deceived by those that tell you that God will not accept you or bless you until you prove to him that you are worthy to be blessed. God sent His Son to die for you because you’ll never be worthy on your own. When you start to understand that God set you on your feet to believe in Him when you had nothing to offer Him then you’ll stop looking within and worrying about whether or not you are measuring up. The answer is that you’ll never measure up to what God has done for you in saving you and making you His child. Stop looking within and always look to Christ.
And then, as Paul notes, something glorious occurs. Something changes about the Law. Hebrews 12 expresses this thought beautifully beginning at verse 18: 18For you have not come to what may be touched, a blazing fire and darkness and gloom and a tempest 19and the sound of a trumpet and a voice whose words made the hearers beg that no further messages be spoken to them. 20For they could not endure the order that was given, “If even a beast touches the mountain, it shall be stoned.” 21Indeed, so terrifying was the sight that Moses said, “I tremble with fear.” 22But you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, 23and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, 24and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.
You see in Exodus, as the people came to Mount Sinai, the presence of the Lord descended upon the top of the mountain. What the people saw was terrifying: smoke, fire, judgment, and certain death if one so much as touched the mountain. They saw Moses walk up into it and thought he had surely died when he didn’t return after 40 days.
They were terrified of the Law – more specifically, they were terrified of God’s Holy character and that is what the Law represents. It judges, it divides, it sees right through sinful men and convicts of sin. It is meant to drive us to Christ.
But sinful men want nothing of this fear and so they protect themselves by ignoring the Law and changing it into something they can do. Gone is the fear of the Law and gone is the character of a Holy God in it. Now it is “taste not, touch not”. Now is it as simple as “…those who drink alcohol are going to hell….” Now it is as achievable as “…don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t chew, or date women who do.” This is why Paul believed he was blameless before the Law before he had his eyes opened to who God really is. That’s because Paul was a Pharisee and the Pharisees had cheapened the Law: it was no longer the perfect righteousness of God but a list of 600+ regulations achievable by men and they arrogantly convinced themselves they were keeping the Law just like every other religion that thinks they can approach God apart from Christ.
The man of the flesh reduces God’s perfection to a list of do’s and don’ts because he can’t stand the idea that really what all those do’s and don’ts are for in the Law is to point a man to the perfect holiness of God. This is why Jesus in Matthew, in the Sermon on the Mount, spends so much time criticizing these low views of the Law and makes the Law holy and perfect and impossible again. A person’s view of the Sermon on the Mount says a lot about what they think the Gospel is. If you think that Christ, in the Sermon on the Mount, was giving you a list of do’s and don’ts that you can be saved by then you missed the Gospel because what He does in that Sermon is destroy any notion of keeping the Law which is summed up in love God and love neighbor perfectly or you are going to be separated as a goat and cast aside by Him in the final judgment.
But, you see, again it does not end there with our condemnation by the Sermon on the Mount. As we are confronted by the news of our sin it causes us to look to the Cross of Christ for salvation. Something beautiful happens. We are transported from the fear and trembling of Sinai to the heavenly Jerusalem where acceptance is found because Christ has become our righteousness.
The really mind boggling thing here is that the change that really occurs with the Gospel is us. You see, both at Sinai and at the heavenly Jerusalem is the presence of the same perfect and Holy God who never changes. But the reason why we fear the Holy God at Mount Sinai but rejoice at the heavenly Jerusalem is because we are changed by God in order to no longer be afraid. Where God once stood as a Judge at Sinai because we could not keep the Law in the sinful passions of our flesh, He now stands as our Savior and great Reward in the heavenly Jerusalem.
This is why it’s called the new birth. This is why we’re said to be given eyes to see and ears to hear. This is why we’re said to be given new hearts where we had hearts of stone. We have a completely different view of reality now.
And because we have a new heart and new mind, the Law is no longer a minimum set of standards that we think that we can perform to be saved. Instead, we remember that Christ has saved us because He performed it and, out of joy, we turn back to the Law, where we see God’s Holy character, and we begin to delight in it. We meditate on it, we get inside of it, and it is used by us to reveal the remaining sin within us that we might die to sin and live to Christ.
But that Law then is no longer a list of do’s and don’ts for us. Holy living is not expressed in asking any more “What is the list of things I can’t do and what are the things I must do…” any more. Our motivation toward pleasing God isn’t trying to figure out what our minimum is or folding our arms at our Father and saying: “I’m not going to do anything for you until you prove to me that your Word tells me I have to do that.” If that is your attitude then you have not been born again.
Instead, the new birth is expressed in our attitude toward God to say: “I wish to pursue the things that please you all the days of my life because I have been adopted into your family to be made holy alongside my brothers and sisters in the Church.”
And so Paul states in Galatians 6, beginning in verse 1: “1Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. 5For each will have to bear his own load.”
This really reveals whether or not we understand what God has redeemed us for. You see, it starts out by reminding you and me that we were not redeemed to sit around gazing at our belly button all day long. Many of us approach Church as if it is somewhat useful but that real spirituality is found in personal time and us working on building ourselves up. Yeah, we’ll be at Church if there isn’t something more pressing. “If I’m having a bad Sunday,” some reckon, “I’ll just spend quiet time with God because I need to be strengthened and I’ll get more out of quiet time alone than I will with the Church in corporate worship.”
But the Church isn’t all about me. We have been united to Christ to be in the Church to build each other up. Real growth is found especially in the hearing of the Word as we worship together corporately and enter the presence of God. We are supposed to care not merely about how we’re growing individually but about those around us and especially those who are struggling. When we see someone losing sight of the Gospel or forsaking the assembly of Saints and the Word then we should be gently admonishing them to stay near where God’s people meet and where He feeds His flock.
But be careful here, Paul warns. Some of us are very pretentious and assume we are more spiritual than we really are. We believe ourselves immune to the temptation that our brother or sister is in and so we rush in foolishly and can even be entangled in the same sin. We are supposed to enlist other’s aid and make sure we’re all looking out for each other.
I wish I could say that this Church is a model of this but I know it is not. I’ve often found out about many sad stories and broken hearts not because brethren brought a concern to the Church as a family would but because it was being passed around by sinful gossip. Many unfortunately think: “That’s none of their business how I’m doing. I can handle it myself.”
I’m not angry at this. It makes me sad. It breaks my heart. It makes me weep that we have so far to grow in the Gospel before we can begin to expose ourselves to one another because that’s the kind of risk we’re supposed to be willing to take for one another.
And because this is risky stuff to expose our lives, Paul essentially tells us all: “Don’t you dare for one second become proud!” Don’t think for a moment that just because a brother and sister has stopped coming to Church or is discouraged that you are better than they. Don’t think you stand in any place before God where He looks at you and says: “What a good person you are”. Remember that Pharisee whose only prayer was: “Thank you I’m not like that guy over there….” Don’t you dare ever think you stand and are accepted by God because you are well behaved. As long as we keep in front of our eyes that we are no better or no worse than our other brothers and sisters under the Law and that we’re all saved by Christ and will have to give account to one Judge and not to each other, then we’re set free from the burden of putting on masks. We’re free from having to lie to each other with smiles when our week has been horrible and people ask “…are you OK…” and we tell them we’re fine because we think Church is where only smiles belong. Bear each other’s burdens because our hearts should be transformed by Christ to do so. Rejoice with those who rejoice for sure but take the time to weep with those who weep as well.
So we must pursue righteousness and good for one another because that’s the nature of children that are in the one family of God. Paul continues in verse 9: “9And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” Don’t grow weary of your brothers and sisters. Don’t grow weary of pursuing the Cross of Christ and His righteousness. Yes, often sowing back into our flesh is easier. It’s the way of the world and those around us. But we have to be diligent to live lives as if the Gospel has had some sort of effect upon us. We have to live lives that reflect our acceptance and salvation by our Savior. Do not grow weary of serving those in the household of faith for God will supply all the strength you need for the task.
Paul concludes this glorious Epistle with these thoughts: “ 12 It is those who want to make a good showing in the flesh who would force you to be circumcised, and only in order that they may not be persecuted for the cross of Christ. 13For even those who are circumcised do not themselves keep the law, but they desire to have you circumcised that they may boast in your flesh. 14But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 15For neither circumcision counts for anything, nor uncircumcision, but a new creation. 16And as for all who walk by this rule, peace and mercy be upon them, and upon the Israel of God.
17From now on let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.
18 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers. Amen.”
I just want to urge you personally, one last time, not to think for a minute that you are immune from the temptation to go back into dead works. The Christian Church is surrounded on every side by people who call themselves Christian teachers who would put you into the same slavery that the Judaizers were. Get the message of the true Gospel into your bloodstream. Learn to know what it is. Never be allured by the temptation to think that your works add the least bit to your acceptance before God. The only thing that counts is that God sent His Son to become a Curse for everyone who believes. It begins and ends with faith in His work and that begins in you by the new creation that God has wrought in your lives by the preaching of the Word.
You’ll hear it in altar calls that tell you to consider whether or not you’re really dedicating your life as you ought, you’ll hear it from Pentecostals that will tell you that you’re not really blessed until you’ve been baptized in the Holy Spirit, you’ll hear it in people that tell you that you must add a purpose-driven life to it, and you’re going to hear some new twist a year or two from now – yet another version of the Law dressed up to seem like innocent advice on how to live better lives so God will accept you.
But the story is as old as Scripture: you can’t add to the Gospel. It’s all Christ. It’s all His work and we contribute nothing to His work to save us. Even our being made holy by Him is sealed and assured by His finished work. Stand in it and don’t be enslaved to other principles.
And so, with Paul, it is my heart’s desire that you all know and never forget the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. If you have never experienced peace with God because you’ve never really heard the Gospel then believe upon Christ and stop trusting in yourselves. But, if you have heard it and believed it, then may His grace continue to overflow into your hearts so that you trust in Him, find your joy in Him, and find your strength in Him both now and forevermore. Amen.
